Psychology behind being congruent

Psychology behind being congruent

          To be congruent means to be honest and have your nonverbal communication in alignment with your verbal communication. Too often, people’s mouth will say one thing but their body language will convey a different message. Everyone senses this in others and that is called incongruence. To be congruent is to be vulnerable. Initially, this is a difficult concept to grasp but it’s fairly simple once you break it down.

          Congruence is the exact same thing as radical honesty. We all are liars but too many people lie too much. In order to be radically honest, you have to know the different levels of telling the truth.

          Level one of truth telling is simply revealing facts. Usually these facts are personal. Divulging this information shows that you are willing to be vulnerable and when that is true, being congruent becomes easier.

          Level two of truth telling is about being honest in the moment. You can never plan how you will react to something in a future moment while being congruent. You must embrace whatever you currently feel while you are in that moment. This shows everyone around you that you aren’t holding anything back. And through your congruence, people will feel that they can trust you.

          Level three of truth telling is about exposing your ego. This is when you show others how you see yourself. When this is done properly, two things will happen. You will either strengthen the conviction of how you see yourself (given that your environment gave you proper feedback to confirm your self-perception) or you will start seeing yourself differently because your environment doesn’t agree with your self-perception. Level three of truth telling is the riskiest of the three levels because it must be taken personally. Being able to take good or bad feedback personally is the ultimate sign of congruence.

          In conclusion, as long as you are radically honest, having your nonverbal communication in alignment with you verbal communication is easy.